Can I?

Maintain this blog, I mean. I think this is my 4th one, not counting my tumblr bog which is more of a squeeing place for me than anything. I occasionally post drabbles and random one-shots there, but otherwise it’s filled with posts (mostly images) of the fandoms that I belong to. I started blogging on and off in 2003. Yes, I have a history of not being able to maintain a blog for longer than 3 months, but the fact still remains that for one reason or another, I keep returning to the idea of having a blog.

Like one of my friends, I don’t really consider myself a writer. But I do like the act of writing, and the internet has given me (and millions of others) a way to let my thoughts out in the open without having to speak in front of a crowd. I know that journaling has been able to do that since time immemorial, but there’s something quite different about knowing that someone other than yourself can read what you’ve written. Could it have something to do with ego? Maybe.

There is also that possibility that maybe – just maybe – someone out there can actually relate to what I’m going through, that someone out there might be thinking “I understand the feels, man” as they read through my ramblings, that I am not alone in what I’m feeling and thinking. There is something very comforting in those thoughts, especially when times are tough and you think that no one in your own little circle understands how you feel. Maybe that’s why blogging keeps drawing me in.

There’s one problem, though – my muse is fickle at best. There have been so many times when my mind was about to explode from all the things I wanted to write, but when I tried to write them down, it went blank. What’s the deal? Lack of practice is one huge factor, I suppose. They say writers write everyday, which makes perfect sense, but something which I am unable to do. The urge is always there at the back of my mind, buried underneath thoughts of family, music, books, work, but nonetheless still there. Which brings me back to this blog. I really hope that I’ll be able to maintain this. I’m not the type who goes out a lot, and there are only a few people to whom I can speak freely with about my thoughts and feelings. This will be one avenue for me to unload some unspoken ideas (or let off steam?) to help keep me sane.

So, here’s hoping that this little virtual space of mine will remain habited for an indefinite period of time with my sometimes crazy but mostly mundane ramblings.

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