Alone(ly)

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be the “life of the party”, to be the kind of person who never had trouble striking up AND sustaining a conversation. As you may have surmised from my pevious posts, I’m not exactly the outgoing type. There are a few things I like better than awkward first meetings and small talks. I would choose a night at home with a good book over partying in a club in a heartbeat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hermit, and I am quite talkative with close friends and family (my mom, especially), but outside my small, safe circle, I’m like a deer in headlights. I can summon my outgoing side when work calls for it, though it takes extraordinary effort on my part and leaves me drained at the end of the day.

For the most part I’m not bothered by my type of personality. I like being left alone; it allows me to regroup, gather my eternally scattered self and reflect on life (a clear euphemism for overthinking, if we’re being honest). I like the fact that I actually enjoy me time – I have no qualms watching a movie or having a meal in a restaurant by myself. Solitude combined with music is my ideal best friend. 

But I would be lying if I said a small part of me didn’t wish to be more extroverted. How my friends are able to converse with other people effortlessly, to make new friends like it was the most natural thing to do, to avert awkward situations with their wit and presence of mind is beyond me. Even though I’ve had my fair share of nights out with random social circles, I’m still the quiet one in the group. I might come off as aloof, but I’m not. I just don’t know how to carry myself in these kinds of situations. Is it something you’re born with? Or is there still a chance for introverts like me to hone these skills?

I suspect it’s a combination of  factors, which holds true for a lot of other things, really. Still, a little help on these things wouldn’t hurt.

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2 thoughts on “Alone(ly)

  1. Wow! I feel like I am reading my thoughts as I complete this. I am so much like you it is scary! Solitude with music I can certainly identify with as I do it often. Why is it we want to be rock stars? Is it the attention or the act of stepping past our reserved nature? I do have the ability to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but it is usually one that reveals nothing of a personal nature, so in fact is really not meaningful in the least.

    • Hi, there! It is rather comforting to know that someone can relate to what I’m talking about, so thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. And about being a rockstar, well, for me it would probably be a combination of my love for music and stepping past our reserved nature, as you aptly put it. 😉

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